


"i know what i want, and i want you." ~ Jesse Pinkman

by endlessfandoms



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: Bisexual Male Character, Crying Jesse Pinkman, Gay Male Character, Jesse Pinkman - Freeform, Jesse Pinkman is bisexual, M/M, Reader comforts Jesse Pinkman, bisexual Jesse Pinkman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:53:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29005605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endlessfandoms/pseuds/endlessfandoms
Summary: - before Jane; between episodes/the bits we don't see, so just make something up i guess lmaosmall note that in this he's trying to get off meth, was never on heroin, and smokes cigarettes and weed regularly.
Relationships: Jesse Pinkman/Original Male Character, Jesse Pinkman/Reader, Jesse Pinkman/You
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	"i know what i want, and i want you." ~ Jesse Pinkman

**Author's Note:**

> idk man i just think that bisexual Jesse Pinkman. that's all, thank you for coming to my ted talk.

you knock on Jesse's front door, a plastic bag in hand of already wound yarn and sets of knitting needles. Jesse had asked you where you'd gotten one of your hats and when you'd answered that you made them, he wanted to know more- and how he could make his own.

only having supplies for yourself, you went out to get more so you could teach him to make his own alongside you. you'd gotten some yarn you thought he might like, seeing as he likes to coordinate his outfits and hats, so you hoped he liked the colours you chose.

however, before you could sike yourself out of the option you had, he opened the door and immediately stepped aside, a grin already on his face, "yo! come in, come in- i was almost ready to think you weren't comin'."

you laugh softly, a bit nervous, "yeah- no, i'm here now. the store rearranged so i had to track down the right needles so that was an extra ten minutes-" he cuts you off, "hey man, you ain't gotta explain, i honestly don't mind. i'm just messin' with ya."

nodding, you sit down on the couch, smiling to yourself, "alright, so i personally like using the yarn from the outside-in. it's most common to go inside-out, but it gets messy like that-" you start setting things out on the table in front of you as Jesse sat next to you, "i recommend you use it outside-in, but you can do what you prefer- it won't hurt my feelings."

"i'll just do it how you do it- you know way more about this than i do anyway," he mumbles almost shyly and you could've sworn you saw a small tinge of pink on his cheeks. "and that's fine. so to start, you would normally need to make a sample swatch to see how many stitches you need, but i got yarn that i use all the time, so we can just start on our way after casting on."

you look over at him, only to find he looked rather confused, "the hell did you just say, yo?" laughing loudly, you can't help smiling till your cheeks hurt, "i'll explain it as we go- it sounds intimidating, but i promise, it's really easy once you learn it. you should see of the things i've made."

he just makes a vague hand gesture before leaning on his knees with his elbows, "ight, go ahead then, what do i do first?" you nod once, then grab the skein you got for him and pull the paper wrapper off of it, "so, here's the end of the string-" you unwrap it a couple times and sit it back down, grabbing the circular needles, "there's also double-ended needles, but circular needles are best for hats. probably your head is average, so we'll go for a hundred-twelve stitches-"

"hold up, yo- a HUNDRED and twelve??" he furrows his eyebrows at you, "yes, now hush, i'm teaching," you wave his disbelief off, "gimme your left hand." Jesse just tilts his head slightly but moves it to you like you requested, "to cast on, you need a long tail-" you pull the end of the yarn so it went the full length of your wingspan, then added a bit more before making a slipknot and sliding it onto the needle, "if you like, i can do the casting on, but i imagine you'll have to learn sometime."

you wrap the long string around his pointer finger properly, then wrap the tail on his thumb, "you'll wrap the needle here-" you put one end of the needle in his right hand and use his hand as your own, "around there, then pull tight- not- not too tight- there you go- you want to be able to have a little slack on it. and the slipknot counts as your first stitch, so you just need a hundred-ten more."

Jesse attempts to cast on a stitch of his own, bless him, but wraps it wrong, so you correct him, "here, like this... there you go." you watch him do it correctly this time before nodding approvingly and turning to your own skein and needles.

only managing to get five stitches on your needle, Jesse looks to you with puppy eyes, "help-" you observe his work and chuckle softly. he'd somehow double wrapped the yarn on the needle, making it look a bit wonky, "here, let me-" you take it from him gently, catching a glance at his frown, "you'll get the hang of it, alright? it takes a bit of time," you fix the mistake and cast on ten perfect stitches for him.

"show-off," he mutters under his breath, making you grin as you pass it back to him. five minutes later, you'd gotten your cast-ons finished, so you check on Jesse's progress, "how's it goin'?" he doesn't speak as he does three more stitches, then groans in impatience, "why's it so many stitches, yo?"

you chuckle a bit, "well, would you like a hat that fits you, or one that is a bit too small and won't block well?" he just shoots you a glare, your reaction being you putting your hands up in surrender, "jus' sayin'."

shoving the project into your hands, he squints his eyes at you, "since you're so smart, you go ahead." you shrug and start casting on, "how many are there?" Jesse messes with his hands, "i dunno, i lost count around sixty."

you hum, pausing to count them, "... eighty-four, that's not bad, seeing as i did about twenty of them-" he punches your shoulder playfully, "shut up, yo." you snicker but don't look at him, continuing to add more stitches to the needle.

he watches you intently and you hope that he doesn't notice the small blush forming on your cheeks. you couldn't help having a crush on the guy, but you never made a move on him- you didn't want to make him uncomfortable, especially seeing as you knew, or rather assumed, that he was straight anyway.

eventually, he looks away to light a cigarette and you let out a quiet breath you didn't realize you were holding. you felt the back of your neck flush now, but thankfully he didn't notice it, "so there's all your stitches- you can start actually knitting now! it'll probably be boring and repetitive at first as you learn, but i usually watch tv while knitting to help pass the time."

passing the needles to him, he blows a huff of smoke away from you with a nod, which only succeeded in making you laugh to yourself. you pick up your set of needles as he looks at you again, "what?"

you shake your head, grinning, "it's just- i'm- i'm teaching a- no offense- a druggie how to knit. i just never imagined this ever happening in my life- trust me, i'm not saying that in a bad way, i love hanging out with you, it's weird, that's all."

he smiles at you, eyes soft, even through the piercing blueness of them, "yeah, well... shit happens, yo. by the way, how the fuck do you knit?" he holds the needles helplessly and breathes out through his nose, making him look like a dragon.

"shit- sorry, you really don't know anything about this-" you mentally facepalm yourself and help him, "so you put the right needle there, wrap the yarn on it- away from you- then pull it out again, yep- now drop the stitch from the left needle... yes, i'm sure, go on." 

after a couple minutes, he waves you off, reassuring you that he wanted to do it on his own. you go back to your own project, sitting in silence for another minute before he spoke up again, "yo, so-" he clears his throat, "how uh... how'd you know you liked guys?" you hesitate, needles mid-stitch.

you finish the stitch, then the next one, and the one after that before replying, "honestly, i'm not really sure... i guess when i was really young i didn't really recognize it. then as i got older, i finally pieced it out and it made a lot more sense. i was happier... having figured it out, y'know? i only ever saw straight relationships, so i didn't think two men loving each other was a thing. i had barely started accepting myself for it when i had my first kiss with another boy... it felt... nice. right." realizing what you said, you cough nervously and pretend your cheek had a scratch to make up for the fact you were now red in the face, "sorry- was that what you were looking for?"

he nods quickly, "yeah, it's fine. i'm not here to judge you, yo, i just wanted to know. i've... i've made homophobic comments and jokes in the past and-" his voice cracks slightly, "i know it's not right anymore and i've stopped, but i wanted to come clean about it... to someone who could've gone through shit for being themself-"

"hey, Jesse, don't worry about it, man. that's in the past, and as long as it stays there, that's what matters, yeah?" you turn to him with a small smile. "hah, yeah. i dunno, i'm sorry for getting all sappy n' shit- god, i've gotten soft." he shakes his head and puts his cigarette out in the ashtray next to him.

you just snort at the soft comment, leaning back into the couch to get more comfortable. you've just finished your first row when Jesse speaks again, "yo, how do i start again?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

that was five days ago. you haven't heard from Jesse since that day and your chest felt tight. like you couldn't take a deep breath, but you managed. he was probably just high off his ass and forgot to charge his phone? either way, you weren't dating the guy, so you would wait for him to call back. you knew he would. he always had in the past. still, you couldn't help but leave him another message.

'hey man, just checking up on ya again. erm... yeah, just give me a call back when you can- you've been quiet and- anyway. hope you're ok.' you let a sigh out and bite your lip as you shut your phone, wondering if you'd offended him in some way.

you had Badger's number, maybe he would know what's up with Jesse? reopening it, you click Badger's contact and listen to the rings, eyes shut as you pray he picks up. "yeah?" you smile, "hey, man. have you heard from Jesse recently?"

"oh, hey (y/n)! yeah, i have actually- in fact me and Skinny Pete are at his place now, do you wan- hey! Jess-" Badger's voice disappears before you can say anything, only furthering your anxiety on why Jesse isn't calling you back.

heart twisting uncomfortably, you frown to yourself, going through everything that happened on that day in an attempt to figure out what you could've done or said to make him upset. you supposed it could've been the couple of jokes you made poking fun at people who did drugs, but he never got upset by them before so you didn't think he'd get upset by that now.

you thought for hours and eventually fell asleep on the couch, thankful for the break from continuous scenarios flashing in your head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

waking up to loud knocking on the door, you sit up, your head spinning, "yeah, yeah hold on!" struggling to your feet, you try to fix your hair as you open the door, "what the hell do you want at six-" eyes finally focusing, Jesse Pinkman is stood in front of you.

"can i come in?" he asks quietly, hands in his jacket pockets. you stand there for a full three seconds just staring at him, your brain processing what he said, "uh- y-yeah, of course." you move aside, letting him walk in and close the door behind him.

you rub your eyes and run a hand through your hair again, "Jesse, why are you awake right now? shouldn't you be high or something?" you didn't mean to sound so bitter about it, but you couldn't help it. not only did he not call you back for five days, but he's also at your house at six in the morning.

no one should be subjected to guests in their home before ten am. nevertheless, here he was, "look, i'm sorry, man. for everything. i really did mean to call back, i was just- i dunno, a pussy? i couldn't get my head in order."

in the kitchen now, you turn on the coffee pot and sigh, rubbing your face as you turn back to him, "what do you mean? did i say something to upset you?" you sit on a barstool at the kitchen island, watching him sit across from you hesitantly.

"no, you... you didn't upset me. lately, i've been- fuck- i've been questioning shit and i just needed some time to think about it." you tilt your head at him, eyebrows furrowing in confusion, "i...?"

Jesse groans and stands back up, turning away from you as he mutters to himself. a moment later, he walks over to your side of the counter, stopping in front of you, "do- do you trust me?" his voice is shaky, almost a little afraid. 

"what?" you force your cheeks to not flush as he speaks again, "do you trust me?" his eyes stare at yours, unblinking, "yes, of course, i trust you." 

"shit..." he mutters something else under his breath, then he kisses you softly, just enough that your lips were connected, but light enough that if you didn't like it, you could pull away easily. you felt your eyes close and your heart skip a beat even as your mind felt like Windows XP was shutting down.

you wanted to lean into him, but you couldn't respond fast enough. he pulls away and you look up at him, cheeks now burning, "i-i'm sorry." he whispers, shaking his head as he rushes outside, leaving you to sit in silence for a minute. by the time you realized what happened and you went to the door to get him back, his car was already gone.

"fuck!" standing in the doorway, you stare at the place his car had been parked and your fingers brush over your lips where his had just been. going back inside, you sit down with your back to the door, mind spinning yet again. you stayed there for at least two hours, trying to calm yourself down.

as the time switched to nine am, you laugh to yourself, "Jesse-" you stand up and grab your keys, leaving your phone in the kitchen as you all but throw yourself into your car and nearly drop your keys in an attempt to start it. eventually, though, you get it started and before you knew it, you were parked in front of Jesse's house with a pounding heart. 

you don't even knock on the door, just let yourself in, "Jesse!" you wander through the living room and kitchen trying to find him. you hear movement in the bathroom as you walk by, making you stop and turn to the door, "Jesse?" you ask quietly, knocking.

"just- just go home, (y/n), don't come in." his voice sounded like he'd been crying, "i'm fine, just go." you open the door anyway, coming face-to-face with Jesse's bloodshot eyes, "Jesse, i'm sorry-"

he turns his head away, "go the hell away, yo- i don't need to hear you say whatever your nice guy rejection voice sounds like right now." you push his shoulder so he's facing you and kiss him back, heart fluttering the same way it had when you'd first kissed.

a moment later, you were pushed against the doorway, Jesse's hands on your hips as he kissed you harder. he breaks for air, his breaths heavy as he reopened his eyes to look at you, your own breaths slow.

"wow," is all you can say, even with your breathing mostly under control. he grins a little, "i'm- i want you. i want you to move in. to live with me, i mean. i don't want to spend another night away from me." your eyes grow wide when you understood what he meant, "a-are you sure?"

Jesse brushes his lips against yours, making your face turn red, "yes, i'm sure, (y/n). i know what i want, and i want you... what do you say?" you can't make yourself speak, so you answer him by kissing him again. he gladly kisses you back, his hand coming up to cup your cheek, and you lean into him more, never wanting to stop. you couldn't believe this was happening; everything felt so surreal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

two months later, you two were still going on strong. you'd completely moved in within the first week, thanks to Jesse. you would do practically everything together- besides cook crystal, he wanted to keep you out of that. he couldn't imagine the thought of something bad happening to you. you could still get hurt just by being close to him, but you didn't care, as long as you had him.

he'd always wake up earlier than you and attempt every day to cook you breakfast, and while the gesture was sweet, he wasn't exactly the best cook. some times the eggs would be a little undercooked or overcooked but you ate them anyway.

some nights he would come home late from work, which meant he woke up later than you, so on those days, you'd cook for him. he always half-complained, half-moaned when you'd cook everything perfectly without a problem.

"stop cooking so much better than me!" Jesse frowned at you one morning as you sat his plate of food in front of him on the counter before joining him. "yes sir," you smirk at him and start eating your food, only to flush darkly as he growled next to your ear quietly, "you're now legally required to always call me sir, now."

you get a chill down your back as you look to his eyes, not blinking once, "yes sir."


End file.
